why do i have to be the one who is tolerating all the time? why do i have to act i'm not angry when i really am? why do i even have to cheat u wat i'm doing to cover my angry-ness so that u wont realise i'm really angry? i am really putting effort in the relationship and what do i get? u keep saying sorry but u do it everyday, wat's the point of apologising? do u ever try and understand how i feel, being alone here in kl? dont say girls are unreasonable... everyone is feeling that way, u just dont wanna spend time trying to understand me! u dont need me all the time doesn't mean that i dont need u too... u have friends to accompany u doesn't mean u can leave me alone! i'm writing this here and i still afraid u will see it and get angry... I wish u wont be seeing this.. I'm afraid to lose u... so plz, if u see this, dont drag it out, just give me some space to shout what i feel... well, haha, finish grumbling and i'm feeling better again... love u more again... haha! aiks, stupid me...

做错了事，就永远不能被原谅吗？我觉得很对不起你，告诉你你的缺点，却不能让大家给你机会改过。。。难道连改过的机会都不给你，就让你默默离开吗？ 当然，他们说的话也不无道理，你的借口太牵强了。。可是，对不起，我好像害到你了。。。其实我很矛盾，想给你改过的机会，却不能说服自己原谅你，因为，你有时候真的是太过分了。。 告诉我，我该怎么做，朋友，我对不起你。。。

i cannot stand anymore!!!!!!!!! kill me please!!!!!!!!!!!

please give me more time.. i'm trying really hard to loosen my hand.. i really am... though i feel stress too but i'm willing to try, for me and u, for our love... my love, i know we're far apart from each other, but i believe our heart will always be together... i need a lot of strength... i will be strong... i know we can pass this tough test together...

owh! how i wished i'm rich now... miss u so much!

Mum was right... I'm not married to you, i have no rights to control you or stop you from doing anything you like... I think i get what she's trying to say and i think i know what i should do... It takes time but i'll try, for u and for me...

我不停地叫自己放开手，给大家多一点空间，但我真的很难做到。。。 真的很不能适应看不到你的日子。。。我的不安全感回来了。。。我真的很难放开手，很难。。。 我知道我很自私，但是，没有你在身边的日子，你似乎多了很多朋友，多了很多很多的计划，但都不包括我。。。我是自私精！！！

xiao yu.... good news, at least for me i think it's a good news, to tell you... hehe! we manage to make up again... i hope this time it will last long and he'll appreciate me more than ever... you'll feel happy for me right?

THANKS A LOT to XIAO YU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for the blogskin, for listening to me all the time, for spending time reading my blog and for everything you've done for me... i'm glad we managed to make up after so many years of quarrel last time.. hahha! glad to have u in my life... it's gonna be tough these few weeks, but i know u can get through it... take care and be strong, girl.. i'll be there for u, just like what u do to me all these while....

why are you making my life so difficult???????????? i keep telling myself to forget bout you but i keep dreaming bout you every night... and when i wake up, i disappoint myself again and again... i know everything is not real, everything was not real even since 3 years ago..

天天想你，天天问自己，到什么时候才能告诉你。。。 天天想你，天天守住一颗心，把我最好的爱留给你。。。 也许缘分已尽，我依然想陪在你身边，i miss u... i know u wont be reading so i can speak out what i really feel inside here.. thanks xiao yu for creating this wonderful place for me to grumble and share my feelings here...

Dinner at Sri Petaling golf club

these are the yummy food i had at the restaurant at sri petaling on friday... :)

kangkung belacan.. i dont know how describe it but the belacan just tasted differently from those i've eaten before...

salad prawn - nice dish but too little...

at first i dare not try this because it's tofu.. then GG told me to try as it does not have any weird smell like a tofu so i tried.. it was nice! sweet and sour chicken... not that nice because it is cooked using chicken breast and i dont really like it... owh!!!! the nicest fish... i love it! marmite crab... the most satisfying and delicious dish of all! i had a great night that night cause haven't eaten such a nice meal since god knows when.. haha...

by the way, i had a really great meal with elaine, gg, gg's boyfriend weeliam and also meiyee at the restaurant near a golf club at sri petaling.. will be uploading pictures when i'm free...

wow, i'm so impressed with what u did... u're really an expert in this!!! how the heck do u do all these? how long have u been practising? or u're just naturally that kind of person? i'm awake now.. totally AWAKE...

闭上眼，看见的全都是你的背影。。。

我快要记不起你的脸了。。。 感觉爱好像渐渐快要消失了,

但为什么想你的心从不改变？

i miss you, but i know you wouldn't care anymore... i love you, but i know this means nothing anymore... life just sucks... i hate myself! and plz, anyone who read this, plz dont be geh poh...

某一天，醒过来， 发现爱， 不见了。。。

最近在看 '这里发现爱'...

他和她去旅行，他们一起拍照，留下许多珍贵的幸福记忆...

喝醉了，两人深情相吻...

她做便当给他吃，他手里握着便当盒，紧紧地抱着她...

她要倒水给他，他抓着她的手，深怕她离开...

好久没有看到这么令人感动的幸福画面.

从前的我，比电视剧里的男女主角更幸福，现在，这些画面已不复重现...

the backache caused by the fall is still so painful that i can barely bend my body... had quite a blurry but scary dream last night... I dreamed tat i'm paralysed and cannot move both my legs anymore... wat happens if tomorrow when i wake up and i realise i cannot walk anymore? IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PAINFULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL........ the story tells us that we shouldn't be a bitch... this is the punishment u will receive for being a bitch... I'M A BITCH....

I learnt something from this.. I'll never tell anything anymore... There's no such thing as secret in this world. Start to feel that there's nothing in this world that can be kept. Maybe it's my fault. I shouldn't have said so much at the first place... Just dont wish this to involve more n more innocent parties anymore.. Just stop it alright... I wished i'm dumb and deaf sometimes, so that i wont need to hear and say so much things...

super bad day! things are happening.. i had a great fall when i came out from the toilet... super painful butt + super painful toe (somemore at the same place where the old injury is still unhealed) = super unlucky me! maybe i'm a bitch who's done a lot of bad things and this is wat i get from being a bad person

missing the old friends

miao miao, always dont get the chance to take a proper picture with him haha!

shuai shuai aka haisan...

dong chiang lin, on the day he left for australia

the sweet couple and woarn + pei

chinese new year 2008 gathering at pei's

jeremy, at the airport...

kevin ng, the friend who's always free to entertain me when i'm back in miri...

pei, the bao zi...

loiz, one friend that accompanies me a lot all the time...

siang. my gambling kaki...

and also chen, but aiks, this guy never wanna take picture so i dun have any picture with him...

of course. i wouldn't forget sen, bing, betty, my bao zi ping and also chaw....

miss u all so much :)

心情很乱很糟。。。我怎么了。。 things don't seem to go the way i want.. maybe am just thinking too much... :) 我好想他。I try and tell myself it's time i changed the way i love him but it's really hard. I'll try... I try my best...